A Coffee Date (Text Heavy)

Monday, November 11, 2013
Hello!

It's been a while since I've been able to sit down, gather all my thoughts, and update y'all on what's been going on in our little patch of southern California lately.

As far as our marriage goes, we hit a transitioning point not this past Sunday but the Sunday before (November 3) and it was one of the most difficult conversations Dan and I have ever had. You see, when Dan and I met and were dating, he was the most wonderful gentleman, no hint of self-centeredness or a controlling attitude. Well, once we were engaged and especially once we were married, that all changed. But because "love is blind," I had convinced myself that it was just a phase or just a little bit of a struggle that would go away soon, when I then began to notice him being mighty controlling and very very self-centered. (I know Dan's heart better than anyone save for Jesus and believed what was inside would come out in God's timing. Fast forward two years and nothing had changed.) Enter our big talk: I said some quite necessary things, but also some unnecessary mean things, and once I apologized for those things, Dan began to really see what he had been doing and what was going on. (Praise God!) One amazing thing that has come from this is that this past weekend together was one of the most low-key, but one of the most lighthearted and fun weekends we've ever had together. I'm so excited to see what the Lord will continue through all of this!

What's been going on at my job is something I'm not used to. I was hired on as an office manager working alongside, with, and for, a man of God who showed so much humility, sensitivity to the Spirit, and a huge amount of compassion, and for about the first 9-10 months of my working with him, this continued beautifully. Until out of nowhere, there seemed to rise up this huge tension between he and I. I have no idea where it came from, what it means, or when it will change, and it is stressing me out so much, because as you know, Dan recently lost his job which incidentally caused us to lose our sweet little beach cottage and we are now living with Dan's parents. My boss knows all of this is going on and knows what I struggle with health-wise and I feel as though his sensitivity to all of this has been completely lost. And as for my health, I don't think my fibromyalgia has ever been worse, and it seems as though it's only getting worse as each day passes. The current stress from my job is by no means helping my pain at all, and I'm kind of nervous to think about my pain getting worse than it is now, how will I continue working? I spent most of this past weekend in bed, except for when my slight insomnia kept me from falling asleep... and I've gotten 3-4 baths this weekend as well. And I've begun walking daily and tracking my times and distances on the Nike+ app which is encouraging, I just know I need to stick with it if I want to see my pain decrease. Anyway, I saw a new psychiatrist last Friday which was encouraging, and I'm seeing a rheumotologist tomorrow (I'm pretty excited to see what they have to say about everything).

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So ya, a lot - and I mean a lot - has been going on. On the bright side, I got to meet a lady who has quickly become one of my dearest friends, Ashley from Corner With Love, last week for coffee! Oh my goodness, this woman is my new favorite. So excited to see where God continues to take our friendship and am just so blessed by her! Another awesome thing has been seeing how giving so many of you have been in supporting me and helping me to make my way out to Pennsylvania in January to spend time with my parents while they're on furlough from China! I cannot thank you enough. And if it's not too much to ask, please, give any amount at all! No amount is too small. I'm hoping to purchase my tickets this week and need just a little bit more! Thank you!

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6 comments:

  1. Looks like some delicious coffee :)

    aclassystateofgrace.blogspot.com

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  2. Cara, I so appreciate how open and honest you are about your life! I sometimes feel like I'm sharing personal things, but they're always shrouded in humor and half-admissions.. you're so amazing! Your faith in God is also admirable, especially considering all the things that life's thrown at you. Many other people would've faltered by now, but not you, you wonderful woman you! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers <3

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  3. I love this post. It makes You seem so real to Me :) and not just a blog I like to follow.
    Your husband: I'm glad You guys figured things out. It's never a nice thing to have a one sided conversation, so really happy for You this turned out well.
    Your job: I'd say keep the stress to a minimal, but I've been in the rough job world and it's specially hard for Your since Dan's not working, but (small maybe useless advice) try to throw Your CV out and about maybe just maybe You find a better job while You struggle to see why this one seems to have gone so bad...
    Your health: I am so sad to hear this :( I really really am! I hope Your new health counseling helps You improve, cause You need to reduce Your stress levels

    Loads of love, SJay!
    www.sweetswithfreaks.blogspot.com

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  4. Oh, sweet lady, I am so sorry things have been so hard.
    Praise God for husbands with listening and willing hearts! It was SO brave of you to go to him and be honest about your feelings and observations, really it's huge. And yay for Dan listening!!! Yaaaaaaay!!! That awesome!
    And go you for continuing to exercise and work hard. I hope it pays off and you find some relief. Praying for you! <3

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  5. I am sorry to hear things haven't been so easy for you. Thinking of you friend

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  6. I love warm drinks! Especially when its cold. Just found your blog from Insta! And its soo cute :)

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