My thoughts on being an MK at 23

Today, before I even say hello, I'm preparing to say goodbye.

My momma is on her way - in the air - to touch down at John Wayne Airport this evening at 7:15 PST, where Danny will pick her up after he gets off work and bring her home to stay with us - for six and a half days. And then, once an estimation of about 3 weeks passes, she and my daddy will be traveling again - but this time it'll be to Colorado, and then to China. I trust God with this. I lift up my cross and carry it daily in this. I "hate my family, my mother, my father" in order that I may love my Savior. And I'd even go so far as to say that I'm terribly happy about this. But I'm not happy about this 100% of the time. And I don't trust 100% of the time.
And sometimes, but not 100% of the time, I cry, and I ache, and I doubt.

Missionary kids - when their parents choose to become missionaries before babies are even born yet - are, well, born into it - they don't need to adapt because it's happened already: the decision's been made and the family is becoming a family somewhere the parents aren't used to, somewhere away from "home." But when you're all grown up and your parents feel the Lord calling them somewhere, somewhere far - on the other side of the world - and they begin to choose obedience and selflessness and only-dependence upon God, and tough decisions are made, and things are given away, and support is raised, and the house you grew up in is packed up and sold, and you realize that California is now 100% your home and your hubby whom you've been married to for a year and a half is your family with no strings attached, you are forced into a series of decisions quite similar to those of your parents - the ones who are going, while you're staying.

Do I trust the Lord with my parents in a communist country? Do I trust that He's calling them there? That He will lead them, protect them, guide their steps, and bless them? Am I prepared for the pain of no phone calls - only Skyping - for an entire year (and then 3 more after that)? Long distance keeping in touch across the country from Pennsylvania to California is one thing - and it's definitely prepared us for even-more-long distance (thank God) - but to China, well, the pain is deeper and pulled more tightly. And I can't see, and the same analogy I used two years ago the same night God made it clear He was asking me to move to California is just as necessary and true now: I am blind and I am walking ever closer behind the back of the Lord - He is leading me and all I can see is Him in front of me. Especially with this.



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Captivating Book Club | Week 3

Chapter 3 of Captivating, entitled Haunted by a Question, definitely isn't my favorite chapter of the book, although I do appreciate how deeply they go to explain that there are essentially two types of women: women who hide their true selves with timidity and closed lips in order to "protect their already broken hearts", and women who go to the very opposite end, who control and dominate in order to cover up their vulnerability. It was difficult for me to come up with questions for this chapter, so they're pretty basic and not like the other weeks, which sort of disappoints me. I hope and pray next week is more challenging and encouraging.

1. What do you feel you're grabbing at to fill the emptiness and deep ache in the depth of your soul? Or do you believe you're in the habit of running to God each and every time your soul aches? Answer honestly. (p. 48) I'd say I'm a little bit good at trying to fill my longings with things of this world, things I know that don't satisfy despite me going to them over and over, but in the back of my mind the truth is always the same: I constantly am reminded that God alone can fill me. Sugar is definitely something I run to, as are blogs, and TV shows.

"Women is cursed with loneliness, with the urge to control, and with the dominance of men."

2. Do you feel there are areas or relationships in your life where you strive for control and dominance in order to hide or push away your vulnerability? (p. 52) In what ways do you do this? I definitely try to gain control in my marriage. It's a very real battle for me, as I have a strong personality, but I am truly desiring and learning submission, trust in the Lord and my husband, and a gentle spirit.

3. Why do you fear your own vulnerability? What lie or lies have you believed to make you feel your vulnerability is a bad thing? (p. 52) Honestly - I'm not quite sure why I fear it. Pride perhaps? Definitely a lot of pride keeps me from showing my heart for others to see - especially my husband - or being hurt far too many times to want to hurt anymore, so I "protect" but don't really entrust my heart to the Lord.

"We have never considered that by living a controlling and domineering life, we are really refusing to trust our God. And it has also never dawned on us that something precious in us is lost. Something the world needs very much from us." (p.53)

4. Do you try to hide your true self - for fear of being seen as "too needy?" Do you believe you're worth paying attention to? I used to really struggle with actually being quite needy - in friendships, relationships with guys, etc. - and then I started embracing the needs/desires I was simply communicating poorly. I've also learned to differentiate between neediness and actual heart-needs, which has truly helped - and been an act of the Lord in me.

5. Do you struggle with filling your aching and empty heart with little indulgences, or, "little affairs of the heart?" (p. 56) Or do you run to God to give Him your heart - to fill and complete you with True Fulfillment. Don't be afraid of your answer. I definitely have a weakness for trying to fill my emptiness on my own - to fill it with food, sugar especially, or cute little goodies to spend money on - but my flesh knows just one word, and that word is "more," and God is the only one who can 100% truly fill me to overflowing - I haven't learned that fully yet, and am in the process of learning to choose to run to Him rather than things that fade.

Be sure to please include the link to your blog post with the answers to this week's questions, or if you don't want to do that, simply answer the questions in the comments if you'd like to participate! We'd love to have you!

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Some June Beauty Favs

I've been doing a lot of exploring and searching - more than I ever have before - in the beauty world as of late, and I really love what I'm learning. Because of these new finds that I love and some that I hate, I thought it would only be natural to share with you lovely ladies! So - I've gone to Ulta twice in the past two weeks and here's what I got - I'll share what everything is supposed to do, and how I feel about it!


1. Not Your Mother's 'She's a Tease' Volumizing Hairspray / I first saw this at CVS - where I of course did not purchase because it costs much more there than anywhere else - so I looked on Ulta.com and saw it was cheaper. I read reviews, loved what I heard, and snagged it last week! I absolutely love this hairspray. The scent is kind of overpowering, but it fades once your spray it; the hold is perfect - and not too sticky (which I HATE about Pantene's Volumizing Hairspray), and it makes my hair big like I like - but not frizzy or too big! I definitely will be repurchasing this.

2. Batiste Travel Size Dry Shampoo in Cherry / I've used quite a few different dry shampoos, as I have oily hair and half the time I sleep in before work so I don't have time to go through the fuss of washing, drying, and styling my hair. None of the dry shampoos I've used before - and definitely not baby powder - live up to the awesome skills of Batiste brand. I bought the travel size because I didn't want to commit to the whole bottle yet if I wasn't in love - but once I run out, I'm pretty sure it's the only dry shampoo I'll be purchasing from here on out.

3. Olay Foaming Face Wash for Combo/Oily Skin / I'm not sure where I read about this first - although I'm pretty sure I was looking up best facial cleansers for oily skin on MakeupAlley.com and this one jumped out at me. It's mattifying, smells lovely, and does the perfect job! I definitely will be repurchasing.

4. Benefit Erase Paste in Medium / I actually bought this undereye concealer on eBay for $10 cheaper than the Ulta (or Benefit) price, plus with free shipping - which made me a happy camper. I looked up reviews on YouTube about this concealer because, well, with fibromyalgia comes no energy and no rest - and constant undereye circles. Because of this, I've been dying to try the Bobbi Brown Corrector but was not willing to dish out the $23 for a concealer (even though now I see - Erase Paste is $26, so... meh.) so when I found Benefit's on eBay for just $14.99 - I purchased. Today is the first day I've used it so far, so I'll have to wait to update you on how I feel about it as time goes on.

5. NYX Concealer in a Jar / I originally purchased this before my eBay package arrived - mainly because all NYX cosmetics have been buy 1 get 1 50% off at Ulta - but I'll definitely be keeping this for blemish coverage. It does the trick! But I'm not sure I'll repurchase. Another one I'll have to update y'all on.

6. NYX Retractable Eye Liner in Black / As I've mentioned before - I have quite oily skin - so I've gone through a ton of money and a ton of products to get my regiment of beauty products and makeup to match up and keep my oil at bay as best I can - for the right price. Eyeliner has always been a part of this struggle - so when I finally tried NYX's Retractable Eyeliner - I was hooked, and I fell in love, all in one day. This eyeliner is THE BEST - it slides on my eyelid and water line simply perfectly! I will be repurchasing this baby forever and ever.

What beauty products have you tried and loved or tried and hated?
Have any suggestions for me to try? Let me know in the comments!

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Yummy Candles and a GIVEAWAY!

I absolutely love candles. Growing up, my momma always had Yankee candles or some type of yummy-scented soy candle burning in the house, and when they weren't burning, we still had them out with their lids off so we could smell their deliciousness throughout the day. This is one of my most favorite and cozy memories of my momma - it just symbolizes warmth and love to me - and I want the same atmosphere to be made for my future children, and for Dan and I in our little home now.

Thanks to Pure Joy Soy Candles located in Boonville, North Carolina helped make this dream a reality for me soon after Dan and I moved into our bigger home on May 1st (home tour coming soon - I promise!). Kim from Pure Joy Soy Candles so graciously offered to send me 3 rustic-style mason jar candles of my choice to enjoy, smell over and over, and review on the blog and is offering one of YOU lucky ladies 3 lovely mason jar candles of your choice as well!

The 3 candles I chose, after obsessing over trying to choose the absolute best 3, were these:


All-American Apple Pie


Cotton Candy


Banana Nut Bread

Now when I say I was blown away by how amazingly accurate each of these candles smelled, you should understand that Danny also fell in love right away - especially as soon as we lit the Banana Nut Bread Soy Candle. Let me tell you something - the Banana Nut Bread is both our #1 favorite - the scent is just so full, warm, and homey - and it just absolutely fills our little home. I keep the Cotton Candy on my desk and only light it in the evenings, but I'd say that scent is the most subtle - but still sweet and smells just like the real thing! And lastly, the All-American Apple Pie reminds me the most of home and my momma - her favorite candle has always been Yankee Macintosh Apple candle, so this one just speaks to my heart. I love all 3 so much though, and would highly recommend trying out Pure Joy Soy Candles! *Kim is so sweetly offering my readers a special discount: use code MARVELOUSCARA to save 10% off any purchase!

a Rafflecopter giveaway Disclosure: I received this product in exchange for a review post, but all opinions are strictly my own
and not influenced at all by how much I did or did not spend on an item.

Captivating Book Club | Week 2

>>> Hi ladies! Welcome to the second week of the Captivating Summer Book Club
here at The Marvelous Flight of Cara!

Disclosure for Captivating and the questions you'll answer:
Answer these questions honestly. Not with arrogance, but with the love and empowerment
God created you to possess since you were created in His image. Believe in your beauty.

Each week, I'll write a super-short summary (or snag one from another site - always giving credit where credit is due) of the chapter and follow it up with questions I feel the Lord has led me to ask, and I'll answer them as well with each week's post. If you link up and are reading along, make sure you read next week's chapter before the questions and my post are posted so you're ready to answer the questions once they're live! Also, please be sure to leave a comment giving me the link to your blog post!

Chapter 2: What Eve Alone Can Tell
1. Is it easier to believe that your self-worth is defined by the things our culture wants us to believe - things like outer beauty, a flat tummy, big cleavage, the very best makeup - or the things Jesus tells us our worth is found in - Him and our perfect relationship with God because of the cross, grave, and resurrection? (Don't be ashamed of your answer.) Why do you think that is?
I'm still learning to walk in the truth that my self-worth is found in the Lord, especially because my health is so bad and the world tells me that beauty is found in daily working out, the latest trends, and I'm really good at comparing myself to other women. But I've found the times when I'm walking closest to the Lord and spending the most time with him are the times I feel the most beautiful - no matter how I look on the outside.

One thing I read recently - I forget exactly where - still brings tears to my eyes: When Adam saw Eve for the first time and was enthralled by her beauty - it wasn't the feminine form he was drawn by - it was the fact that here was the feminine qualities of True Beauty itself dwelling in another human - that the perfect relationship Adam had with God could now be shared with another.

2. When you are spending time with your best, dearest lady friend, what are the things that come to mind that she as a woman is telling you and revealing to you about God? (p.26) The things that come to mind of some of my friends whom I think to be the most beautiful actually has little to do with their outside appearance - what I am drawn to is their deep love for people, their desire to serve others, their compassion, innocence, and the way they truly feel their emotions.

3. Do you truly believe that your desire for relationships and interaction - almost to the extreme of being the core of who you are - is a weakness of a glory? What has led you to believe that? (p.28) I've always had an obsession with relationships and connecting - almost to what I believe to be a fault, because clearly it annoyed people - which has led me to some of the social anxiety I deal with today. But, the friends I do have, who pursue me and make time for me and understand me, gosh, those relationships seem to only strengthen me and make me more of who I was made to be - I am proud of my desire for relationships.

4. Is it hard for you to believe that your deep desire to be needed, wanted, a priority in another's life, is a desire you share with the God who made you? Why or why not? The world is really really good at lying to us, especially us women, and I've been told for far too long that being "needy" or "desired" is clingy and overwhelming, when truly - we are mirroring God when we have these desires! It is a beautiful thing and I am learning to love that about myself.

5. "Through [Eve], God makes romance a priority of the universe." (p.30) How do you or don't you see this being made manifest in the world around you? Living by the beach has helped me see the beauty of the Lord more than I ever have before; having the ocean to just watch and stare teaches me so much about the depth and width of who God is and His perfect being. Being in the mountains helps a lot as well, along with gorgeous sunsets, the different types of palm trees, and puppies - puppies and babies show me more beauty and more about the heart of God than many other things. It's so amazing how thoughtful God is.

6. I just found this to be exceedingly beautiful: "The word ezer is used only twenty other places in the entire Old Testament. And in every other instance the person being described is God himself, when you need Him to come through for you desperately." We share such a huge role and part of who we are with God Himself! Any thoughts?

7. What does your beauty (both physical and soul-full) speak to the world - or has it been shut up? This one's a difficult one for me. With an inferiority complex and depression, I believe some of my beauty that I could be offering to the world has been shut up - but in a lot of circumstances, I've learned to really overcome my feelings of self-doubt that the world has shoved onto me and kind of "stick it to the man" and act in love and joy anyway - those are some of the other times I feel most beautiful - when I'm depending fully on the Lord to supply me with what I need in those situations.

Beauty speaks (p.37)
Beauty invites (p.38)
Beauty nourishes (p.39)
Beauty comforts (p.39)
Beauty inspires (p.39(
Beauty is transcendant (p.40)

"Every woman has a beauty to unveil.
Every woman.
Because she bears the image of God. She doesn't have to conjure it,
go get it from a salon, have plastic surgery or breast implants.
No, beauty is an essence that is given to every woman at her creation."
p.42

After all this time,

Dan has an amazing knack of reminding me of and always bringing me back to my blogging roots.
He's also so amazing at being my marketing manager - which will show itself useful within the coming months as I really start working on making this blog much more me, while trying to get the word out with less giveaways and reviews. Not that I don't love those types of blogs - they're some of my favorites! It's just not me or my niche, so I'm excited to start making changes around here. This also means there'll be an upcoming newsletter and business cards!

I haven't done a fibromyalgia/depression/health update lately and Dan so graciously reminded me last night that that is one of the main reasons I started this blog - so by going back to the beginning, I'll hopefully be remembering what those reasons are
(and I'm so thankful I have such an amazing man to remind me of them).

If you don't remember - over Easter, Dan and I flew back east to Pittsburgh to spend the holiday with my parents - which would show itself to be a trying and tough trip, but an amazing last time the four of us would have together before my parents leave for China next month (don't even get me started. The tears are coming). While back home, I went to see a bio-meridian doctor who spent some great time with me, and diagnosed me with parasites, a fungal overgrowth, and the Lyme's Disease virus. Ever since then, I've been on a strict diet (which I've cheated on in the past, but things are changing), 19 pills of about eight different supplements a day, and (striving) for more consistent exercise and sleep! The diet is as follows, esentially: no sugar or natural sweeteners (only Xylitol), no corn (or corn products), no dairy, no fruit (except lemons), no gluten, no alcohol, and I think that's it.

I haven't seen any improvements yet, but I will say this: I've been going through a season of much more pain than usual, and when I called the doctor to ask him about this, I was told that this is a good sign: my body is going through the detoxing cycle - so praise Jesus! On top of all of the new dieting and supplements, a dear dear dear friend of mine and Dan's (Hi Greg!) has become exceedingly interested in not just my disease, but also this special alkaline water making its way into healthcare professionals' offices, and many peoples' homes. After hearing some amazing testimonies, and feeling the Holy Spirit truly leaping within me with eagerness to begin this, and feeling my heart was officially ready, I agreed with Greg that I would drink it for an entire month and watch these special videos about the water in exchange for free water (the machine costs about $2,500 and he and his amazing wife own one)! So, I've been doing this since Friday and on Saturday and yesterday (Monday) I had an awful headache - but for me this is a good sign - showing me that I'm detoxing even more, and that my body was quite acidic - which is why this alkaline water is such a Godsend.

Currently...

praying: for Dan to be placed in the perfect new job.
drinking: lots and lots and lots of water: mostly alkaline, sometimes with lemon.
wearing: this perfect pair of jeans from AE (but in bright medium authentic wash).
craving: donuts. chocolate. everything I can't have.
playing: a lot of Paramore lately, and The Spill Canvas Pandora station!
wishing: this wasn't a season of saying goodbye...
obsessing: over Annie's amazing store, Tarnished and True.
reading: Eating Animals, Captivating, and Through Painted Deserts.
dreaming: of the day when we can finally have babies.
missing: my momma and daddy, Xue Ni (my sister in China), my in-laws,
Kaitlin, Taryn, Lauren and Buck, the list could go on and on.
learning: that letting go and saying goodbye is a normal part of life,
and it's painful, but somehow it's good for me in the long run?